Classes and a clean slate?

Classes have started up again and that means that Maverick has gone from spending 70% of his time working to spending 50% of his time in class and 20% of his time working. Basically, the same amount of free time--considerably less money in my pocket. So on the lack of money note, I'm going to try and find a bartending job starting next week. The hours should fit my schedule just fine, and the extra income should be most awesome.

I've gotten a tattoo since my last post. I promise I'll get a picture up on here as soon as I get new batteries for my digital camera and take a picture.

It's also kind of weird. 'Cause whenever class start up again, you get that feeling like you're starting fresh. Maybe it's just something in the subconscious hoping that people will have forgotten (and/or forgiven) all the stupid shit you did the year before. Unfortunately the reality is that the people that you really wish would forget haven't forgotten. The reality is that if you did something major league stupid (like I did last year) that you really need to find some way to make it up to those people, or they'll always hold it against you. And even that is based on the optimistic assumption that you can do something to make it up to them. So I guess all you can really do is try to make it up to people when you fuck up, but realize that maybe you simply can't and that you need to go on with your life, being the best person you can.

Bachelor Returns

Well I am officially single again. Not necessarily through the means I would have liked, but the same outcome regardless. The other positive note is that Jessi and I both agree that we're probably better off this way--as friends.

I also think I'm going to get back to work on my novel. I haven't touched it in over a year, and I really should sit down and do it. I might even do that tonight after work... unless I end up hanging out with someone else. >.<

Well I think I'm long overdue for an update on here, what do you think? I think I'll have to get back in the habit of trying to post on here at least once a week. A little routine is always a good thing. Speaking of things I need to do, here is a small list of things I'm going to try to get done before classes start:

• Get a tattoo
• Start lifting/working out again
• Order parts for the computer I'm going to build
• Get a 2nd job in the Eau Claire area that won't conflict with my class schedule

Okay, so I'm sure there's some other stuff, but this is all I can think of right now. Basically the point is that I need to motivate myself a little more. Unfortunately, I can't really count on my current girlfriend to help motivate me, so it'll have to come from the depths of my dark little soul. Now, where did I put that...

Bum Bum Bum!!

Well, I suppose it's official now: Tina hates my guts. I don't know what the fuck I did, but I'm not going to spend hours/days trying to figure it out.

In other news, Aerthos (aka yours truly) needs to get his arse out and start applying at the various drinking establishments in town to see if he can get a job as a bartender. Knowing Eau Claire like I do, that would be some really nice cash--and it wouldn't conflict with classes OR working at Wilson's. Well, aside from less sleep; but I can handle that!! =D

Update and Heartache

I just rolled into Wisconsin Rapids about 10 minutes ago. For those of you not on Central time, it's about midnight right now. I'm tired, but the heartache I have isn't going to let me go to bed. So I'm going to update my select few readers on my fucked up and poor excuse for a life and just cry my heart out a little bit.

My last post of any real substance was two months ago. *Sigh* Well, shortly after that Tina and I did some talking, and it was more or less established that the odds of us being together romantically when she got back from Scotland were slim to none. Which was fine, I guess, at the time because I had been making more friends around campus and I figured we'd still be able to hang out as friends when she got back. Then there was the joy that is the last month of the semester, which is absolute hell--especially when you have a class that you need to graduate and you're not sure if you're even going to pass it or not. Plus tons of essays for other classes. Lots and lots of stress. My apologies for anybody that tried to get ahold of me via IM during those last few weeks (I was "Away" just about 24/7). On top of that I had to be completely moved out of my apartment the day after finals. So after finals I spent the next week with my uncle about an hour north of Eau Claire. Since then (approximately May 27-ish) I've gotten the vast majority of my stuff moved into my apartment, save a few odds and ends. But, since I left my old apartment I have been without a home internet, therefore no IM for Matt until he gets that resolved.

... Right now I'm really just hating life. I'm depressed as hell and I really shouldn't be. I'm dating a girl that loves me (and whom I love)... I even have another friend that I know wants to date me... but every day I get the feeling that the one woman I want to be with wants nothing to do with me anymore. And it breaks my heart. Even though we never officially dated, whenever I was with her I felt something I just haven't felt with Jessi. *Sigh* I just don't understand anything anymore... my own heart, who I have always listened to, no longer has any answers. Not to be melodramatic, but I honestly think that a part of me has died.

To the few who check this blog, my sincerest apologies for not updating it in far too long. Unfortunately, you will have to wait a bit longer for a substantial post. Even with classes out and much stress gone, I do not yet have internet at my apartment. Thus, a full update will come once that final hurdle is remedied. Until then, stay cool.

It's so hairy!

It's starting to get a little scraggly in places, but I still haven't shaven. And actually, this picture is neat because I was a little tired, so my one eye is open a little more than the other... which I think helps to kind of hint at the madness that is me. Or something deep and philosophical like that.

Sleep for Thought

So apparently sleep is great for organizing your thoughts, 'cause I just woke up a little while ago and I thought of all the stuff I could have told you in my last post. =P So here's some of the stuff that's been happening:

• SRI is now on campus cable! Students in the residence halls at the university can now turn to channel 75 on their televisions and listen to WSRI/SRI-75. Pretty sweet, huh? So this last week was the kick-off of our ad campaign, with chalking and word of mouth. This week will include articles in publications around campus.
• Got some questions answered after some [bad] excitement last night. Long story short, my one roommate (Shanna) hasn't really been living here for the last few months because my other roommate (Heather) has been freaking out about windows being open (now that it's actually nice outside?) and about the parties our neighbors have had every single weekend. So... answered some of my questions, and basically Shanna and I both said that we'll be glad to move out.
• I think the semester is finally starting to speed up. Perhaps it's because I know that I only have like five weeks before I can hold Tina in my arms again. Not that I'm counting. ^^;
• Movies! I added movies to my collection this semester. Lucky titles include: Risky Business, Gremlins and Gremlins 2: The New Batch, and Murder at 1600. I also saw V for Vendetta in the theater. Totally awesome movie! And I promise I'll get my review for it up on the website by the middle of this week.

So I'm basically just killing time 'cause I'm not tired right now. I don't really have any amazing updates. I guess I'm just a little un-amazing. =P But just so this post isn't a complete waste of space I will list one of my favorite reasons for wearing a kilt:

• People clear a path for you when you walk.

Break or Boredom?

So I think this could have possibly been the shittiest spring break I've ever had. No kidding. I mean, it started alright--spending time with my Dad & the rest of the family for the last few days before he flew back to Iraq to finish his tour. ...But that's really about it for good news this week.

I worked a grand total of about 7 hours this week. I was only scheduled for 5 hours, but I came in today since one of the managers really wasn't feeling well (and 'cause I'm a great guy like that). So not much in terms of money making this week.

I [attempted] hosted a BBQ on Tuesday. Had it planned like a month in advance, sent out invites... I was even providing all the food myself. Not a soul showed up. I swear that this happens every time I plan a party. Is it me?

So basically, the long and short of spring break is that I have the whole week to do whatever. Main problem is that all of my friends are out of down, which pretty much leaves me with nothing to do. Which means that I've been bored out of my mind... and also means that I've been thinking about Tina so much I might be clinically insane by Monday. Not gonna lie, the main reason I'm posting right now is because I'm bored. And now I'm going to go to sleep at 0020 because I'm bored.

Motivation

So I know it's been about a week since my last post. Sue me, I've been busy. Spent this last weekend in Minneapolis with the family since Dad is on his R&R from his Iraq tour. We stayed at a Hilton hotel--holy shit nice, but the bed sucks--and partook in the Mall of America =D Basically just hung out as a family to enjoy time together.
Monday I got to drive, well attempt to drive through a monster of a blizzard. For those of you not in the area, we got about 18 inches of snow in 8-9 hours. With high winds. So if you need me to translate this for you, I was driving about 15 mph--on the Interstate. Yeah, it was so bad that eventually there was just ZERO visibility and I pulled into a quick trip where I sat for about 6-7 hours while the worst of it blew over and the state could get the roads cleared.
Anyways, the real, honest reason I'm posting right now is because I don't want to work on this 4-6 page paper that I haven't even started yet. Partly because I don't have a clear picture of how I'm going to bullshit it... I'm sorry, I meant how I will formulate my educated interpretation of a topic that I chose to write on. I think the other part is just that I think I work better under pressure. I can just focus better on the objective of getting it done (ex: if I only have X hours to get it turned in). So even though I had initially planned on working on it tonight, I think I'll be a good procrastinator and put it off until tomorrow--because I'm a college student and that's what we do.
And a random quote for the day! This one comes from comedian Jim Gaffigan:

"Ever notice that whenever you're single, all you see are couples? And then when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers?"

Hairy Thoughts

Even when I try to keep myself busy, I can't help but think about Tina. Even when I go to visit people out of town and drink, I can't stop thinking about Tina. I think this alone is testament to how much I cannot wait to see her again. Anyways, true to my word, I have not shaven since I last saw Tina on 21 January. So it's been over a month since my face saw a razor. Here you go Tina, a little piece of the guy who's waiting for you:

Did I Miss The Boat???

Okay, so have I missed something here? For whatever reason, more and more females seem to be finding me attractive within the last year or two. What in the Nine Hells happened?? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I think I look like the scum of the earth. But when I'm talking to girls for the first time and they are honestly calling me handsome, my eyebrow goes up. So is there something that I'm not seeing? Any and all females reading this, you are sincerely asked to comment with answers to this quandry.

Chaos and balance

Have you ever noticed that as chaotic as life, or any situation in life, may become that there is always that one thing that keeps things in balance in your head...that thing that keeps you going? (Have you noticed that I ask a lot of rhetorical questions in these Memoirs?? =P) For example, my life is literally just chaos right now (or pretty close to it). I have:

• Wilson's Leather
• School (which includes homework, uncertainty about my major)
• Looking for a 2nd/3rd job
• Working towards a radio internship
• SRI (being both a DJ and the Music Director)
• Living with the passive/aggresive roomies

I think those are the major things. Still, amongst all this chaos, there remains two things that keep me going. Okay, maybe three.

1. My dreams
2. My friends & family (they count as one =D)
3. Last, but perhaps most important: Tina

And I know that she doesn't want me to say this, but I just don't want to wait for you to get back, Tina. For just so many reasons I can't begin to list them all, but I can say that just holding her in my arms is at the very top. She is my motivation to keep on rolling with the punches academically and financially this semester... because I know that in the span of just over two months that will go by as slowly for me as they will quickly for her (since she's in Scotland!!! I want to go back) we will be able to be together again.

Okay, so I'm in my News Reporting lab and probably shouldn't be blogging right now, but hey, this class is boring anyways. I just have to say that I'm STILL excited and giddy over last night. Tina called me totally by surprise from Scotland last night. I was all smiles after hearing her voice. I'm still smiling just thinking about it=D Anywho, I'll blog more later. I should get back to actually doing something resembling work before the prof yells at me =P

Driving and Bushido

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE! ...Yeah. Sorry, it's just been one of those days when you're amazed of the number of people that [in theory] are licensed to drive. Ever have those days? Don't you just wish you had guns on the front of your car so you could eliminate these people from the roads and/or the gene pool? That's the kind of day it's been for me... at least in terms of driving.
In other news, I always get people asking me to tell them about Bushido--especially when they ask what kind of tatoo I'm getting. I've posted it in other blogs before, but (as usual) I found a great source of [believe it or not] amazingly accurate information that is written simple enough for the common man to read. The source? Dungeons & Dragons. As such, here is the D&D description of Bushido:
Bushido Bushido is the code of the samurai from ancient Japan. Many books have been written about how a samurai should live, including the Go Rin No Sho (Book of Five Rings) and the Hagakure. According to one version of the code, a samurai must possess the following seven virtues. Gi (honesty and justice): A samurai deals openly and honestly with others and cleaves to the ideal of justice. Moral decisions do not come in shades of grey, only right and wrong. Yu (heroic courage): A samurai never fears to act, but lives life fully and wonderfully. Respect and caution replace fear. Jin (compassion): A samurai takes every opportunity to aid others, and creates opportunities when they do not arise. As a powerful individual, a samurai has a responsibility to use that power to help others. Rei (polite courtesy): A samurai has no reason to be cruel, and no need to prove his strength. Courtesy distinguishes a samurai from an animal, and reveals one's true strength. Meyo (honor): A samurai's conscience is the judge of his honor. The decisions he makes and how he carries them out are a reflection of his true nature. Makoto (complete sincerety): When a samurai says that he will perform an action, it is as good as done. He need not make promises; speaking and doing are as if the same. Chugo (duty and loyalty): A samurai feels responsible for his actions and their consequences, and loyal to the people in his care. A samurai's loyalty to his lord is unquestionable and unquestioning. Hopefully this clarifies any questions those of you reading this blog may still have about Bushido. This is an accurate version of the code; this is the code I strive to follow every day.

Romanticism, Perfection, and Beauty

An interesting dicussion was had in my British Romanticism course today, discussing Edward Burke's A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and the Beautiful. In describing what Burke meant in terms of defining beauty, the professor was initially confused by my interpretation--but intrigued at the philosophy of what I said. Simply put, what I said was thus, "As humans we seek and see beauty in perfection; yet in one another we see perfection in imperfection." Think about that for a moment. In fact, I'll even tighten it up for you. "There is perfection in imperfection." What initially seems like an oxymoron is true, in a serendipity sort of way. Because by acknowledging the imperfections in another, their "better" qualities shine all the brighter. Another saying that might help you to understand this logic is "Without pain, would we really appreciate pleasure?" A very philosophical topic, is it not? Anybody who wishes to reflect a little (or at length) by all means indulge yourself and share your thoughts with me.

Pain

"Pain is weakness leaving the body." ~Random military douche

"Pain is good, it let's you know you're alive." ~Anonymous

"Pain helps us to better appreciate pleasure." ~Anonymous

"Pain: An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder." ~Dictionary.com

My right shoulder hurts like a sonofabitch right now, and I have no idea why. My best guess is [possibly] overextending while changing a light bulb at work earlier tonight. All I know for certain is that it hurts like mad, and light massage doesn't seem to help any. I have financial pain aplenty (as most college students do). Especially so this semester, as I spent almost $200 on books. So Matt needs to do some penny pinching so he'll still have the money to build his computer this spring/summer. He also needs the money so he can get his tatoo. ~*Sigh*~ No real emotional pain to speak of--longing would be a much better term. Tina has been in Scotland three days now; it's been almost two weeks since I last held her in my arms. I think about her constantly when my attention isn't intently focused on something else. She is like that sliver of sunshine that draws your attention from the corner of your eye while you're driving. Not that I am calling Tina an unwanted distraction--far from it. I feel safe saying that meeting and coming to know Tina, and now having feelings for Tina has been one of the best things that's ever happened for me. Well, my shoulder is seriously bugging the shit out of me now, and I need to head up to the SRI meeting anyways. Peace and painkillers to all.

Okay, so I'm not going to lie. I'm as tired as a horse that's been running cross-country all damn day chasing somebody because the dude on my back is kicking me in the sides. I'm drained. Tina leaves for Scotland tomorrow. I feel like I don't need to even say anything more than that, but I also know that if I don't that you probably don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Does that make any sense? ~Chuckles~ Probably not. I haven't shaved since I last saw Tina on 21 January. I told her the other night that I'm not going to shave until I see her again after she gets back from Scotland. Here's what I look like as of 1 February: Heavens only know what I'll look like in May when she gets back. Probably like a bum off the street! ~Laughs~ It's only 0015, but I am just so seriously beat that I am going to bed. Peace.

Bad Matt!

Yes, I realize it's been a while since my last blog. My bad, LOL But I have been occupied, in a manner. Last weekend (21 Jan-23 Jan) I spent the vast majority of my time with someone very dear to my heart that will be studying abroad in Scotland this semester, as I did last spring. So we spent a lot of time together--it was time well spent. Then all of this week has been spent adjusting to classes. I hate the first week of classes. You're given tons of things to make note of and coordinate right away--absolute chaos--before you can settle into a rhythm for the term. That's all I've got for you fantastic folk right now.

Hate War

I'm not going to post on my feelings about warfare. If you have access to this blog, you should already know those feelngs. I make this post, at 0117 hours on 16 January 2006 because I finished watching We Were Soldiers. It is not the first time I have seen the film; I also read the book long before I saw the film for the first time. If you have not seen it, I cannot express in words... you have to see it. I care not your age, nor whether or not you get queezy at the sight of blood or violence--this is war, this is reality. The world is not a nice place, although that is what we strive for every day. But I did not post to tell you to see a movie. Rather, I post a question. A question that you may or may not choose to answer via comment to this post. But a question I ask you to think long and hard about. How do you explain war to a young child?

Rules of the Road

Some rules to follow when you're driving: > If lots of people are driving below the speed limit, there's usually a good reason. > If weather conditions are anything short of good, turn off your cruise control. > Even if you're only going 30 MPH in town, keep a good distance between yourself and the car in front of you--if they coast to a stop and you hit them, you get the ticket. > Given the choice between hitting an animal or swerving--hit the animal. > Given the choice between hitting a car or going off the road--go off the road. > If you pull too far into the intersection and reverse back behind the line, remember to put your car back in drive right away. > Even though it is 250 points for hitting an elderly person crossing the street, the state tends to frown on playing this game. > Even though you're 4 times as likely to get into an accident if you're talking on a cell phone while driving, the state would prefer you do that instead of pulling onto the shoulder or into a U-turn spot to make a phone call. > If the speed limit is 25 MPH, we have all agreed that we will drive 30 MPH unless there is ice on the road. Driving slower than 30 MPH will result in much honking, yelling, and waving of middle fingers. This list is by no means complete. But all rules have been verified either through my own experience or personal observance.

Starting a Collection

I bought the sword to start my collection the other day. Behold Anathros, Sword of Earth. Part of the KitRae collection, which is a rather beautiful, yet realistic collection of blades. To see the rest of the KitRae collection, check out his site 

Sometimes the simplest of things can seem to turn your world upside down, or just put things back into perspective. And sometimes... sometimes the simplest act of meeting somebody and then seeing them a second time gives you hope that you will get to see them much much more.

Old Friends, New Beginnings

The new year has come and gone once more. This New Year's Eve was one of the best in recent memory--spent with some good friends, many of which I haven't seen in almost three years. It was a great reunion, and seeing my old friend happily married reminded me of what I wish for in a mate: someone that will accept me for what I am and as I am; someone that I can grow old with. Normally I don't do New Years resolutions. Simply from the fact that for the vast majority of people, they are things that they will do for about two weeks and then just say, "The hell with it." I won't do that. But because of something that happened in 2005, I am going to re-instate a promise I made to myself after I graduated from high school. No Regrets. Since I graduated from LHS, I lived my life with no regrets. I promised myself that whatever I did, I would have no regrets about it. I wouldn't regret where my money was spent, how I spent my time, or the choices I made. I broke that promise to myself this last September; it will be a regret I will carry with me the rest of my life. But it is a principle which has shaped me into the individual I have become since high school, and so it is one worth keeping. The other resolution I am putting forth is to update this blog more regularly. I know that I have some people that read this blog, and it is unfair to you when I will update 3 times in a week and then not update again for a month. So I will try my best to have a more regular schedule of updating these Memoirs, even if that is only once a week.