Another rough day. As long as I can keep myself keeping, do something to keep my thoughts focused I manage just fine. An observer probably would not even postulate that anything was wrong. It is in the moments without focus, however--those moments where you normally go to gather your thoughts or think whimsically about something in the future or nostalgic about the past--those moments are gut-wrenching.

I cannot help but think about what I am losing, even if [gods willing] only temporarily. I also cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong. Yet there is nothing I can do; at least not yet. On the new moon I shall deal the cards and see if they have any answers. Knowing my skill with divination probably not, but it certainly can't hurt to try.

One thing is for certain, whatever the final outcome of these days/weeks/months: I will not be able to forgive him.