I watched Sixth Sense for the first time this afternoon. Not a bad movie, but I wanted to talk about the end of the movie. Bruce Willis bends down over his sleeping wife and tells her, "You were never second." Very powerful words that I could relate to. The other night I had one of my friends ask me how I was doing since my beloved left me, and was surprised at how quickly I have gotten through the initial depression. After watching the Sixth Sense I think I can explain why. Elaniah was always first in my life. I put my relationship with her above my job, my schoolwork... everything. I did that because I feel that is what should be done in a relationship, especially when you feel as strongly for your partner as I felt for her. Remembering the conversation I had on the phone with her that night, I knew that I was no longer first in her life... I don't even know if I was in the top five, or if I had ever truly been first in her life. I think subconsciously I knew this, especially through the conversations we had since I had been in Scotland, and knowing this made getting through the initial depression easier. Our priorities on the relationship just didn't match anymore... Elaniah D. V. Caster, I don't know if you will ever read this, and I don't know where you are right now. You were always first in my heart, in my thoughts, and in my life. May the Lord and the Lady always protect you, and may the man you choose to spend your life with give you all the love and devotion I was willing to give you.

Impromptu II: Water

Drip drip drip Dripping down the drain My flesh bunches together Soaking in the heat through my neck My bare feet hold firm on the wet tile floor Fish swim as easily as Man walks through the air They live in their element, me in mine The element of life unchanging Throughout time Colours of white, blue, and green Water comes in many colors you have seen; Hot and cold and everything in between, Solid or insubstantial, it's always there Without it, we wouldn't be here.

I have a book of daily meditations entitled The Celtic Spirit, by Caitlin Matthews. I found today's exerpt rather appropriate to my life and life in general, so I am posting it here: The Scots folk story The Black Bull of Norroway tells of a young woman who goes to a seer to get knowledge of her future love. Her future husband comes to her in the enchanted shape of a black bull. They become separated, and the woman has to suffer many trials to find and win him again: she must climb a hill of glass with shoes of iron, apprenticing herself to a smith for seven years to make them, and in the end must wash her lover's bloody shirt to disenchant him. This story is nothing less than a tale about the apprenticeship we each serve to love. Although it is told about a woman's love-quest, it would apply equally to that of a man. The first stages of love are often as uncertain and headlong as the heroine's flight on the bull's back: neither partner is sure of the other, and there are many unrealistic expectations on both sides. Love may not be equal at the beginning, so one partner may need to be patient while the other discovers a similar depth of affection. The ability to be constant, consistent, and reliable is one learned over a long period; during this period, many relationships falter or come to grief. The glassy hill of love represents a great challenge to the faithful lover. The spiked shoes of iron are not made overnight. And many a shirtful of wounds may have to be laundered before old loves and hates learned in past relationships are leached out of the present one. Constancy, perseverance, and patience are the skills we learn in the apprenticeship of love. Meditate upon your own apprenticeship to love. Where has your story got to? Which qualities need more development? I hope that in reading this you reflect on your story, as I did this morning. Think about your story... if only for a minute.

"Dust in the Wind"

**Song by Kansas, lyrics coutesy of lyrics.com** I close my eyes, only for a moment, then the moment's gone All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity Dust in the wind... all they are is dust in the wind... Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see Dust in the wind... all we are is dust in the wind... Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy Dust in the wind... all we are is dust in the wind...

"How do you pick up the pieces of a broken life? There are some hurts that go too deep, some wounds that time cannot mend. And then you begin to realize... there is no going back." -Frodo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings It is not within the power given to Man to change the past. He walks the path of life, and his experiences forever change him. Along that road, he will cause others pain, and in return he will experience pain. Some wounds will be so painful that he will pause in the walk of his life, and ponder over whether he is better off giving in to despair or forcing himself onward, with only a faint hope that there will be good times in store for him down the road. In life we will all experience great pains, but we will also experience great joy. It is because of those times of great joy that we must struggle through the pain, even if it is the kind of pain that makes us want to curl up and die. Even if your heart is crushed into more pieces than you care to count, or if the despair over the loss of a loved one shakes your soul, we must struggle on. Because as dark as the tunnel of our lives may seem, we need to have the courage and the faith that there will be light again, that there will yet be times of great joy for us, even if we cannot see them from where we stand. Because there is always hope, if only the faintest glimmer... and you have to cling to that hope with all of your being.

Love

Love will give you greater joy than anything in the world Love will make you beg for death Love will brings tears of joys to your eyes Love will cause you to weep until you can weep no more Love will turn the wise man into a fool Love will not be bound by geography Love will survive through difficulty Love will make the rational person irrational Love will never truly be expressed in words Love is the reason we live

*Sigh* It is really something to spend so many years of one's life dreaming about going to a place, and then one day wake up realizing that you're actually there. That happened to me a little while back. For years I wanted to go to Scotland, to see the rolling hills, and feel that magic that Hollywood attempts to portray on the "silver" screen. As I began to pull away from the Catholic faith my desire to go increased, reaching a climax when I decided to pursue a Pagan path. Then one day I woke up. I pulled back the curtain in my room and looked over the wood surrounding that side of the palace as sunlight shot into the room. I went for a walk that day in the woods, and if you have never been to Scotland, you truly have to come. There is just something magickal about this land that you can never really describe in words. Yes as magickal as this place is and as much as I enjoy being here, I understand that there is something missing. I have always sought distance from my family, that is no lie. But I know that I could not be this far from my family, to stretch lines of communication this far. Even more important is the fact that my heart groans and flutters thinking of my beloved in California. I have not held her in my arms since August, and I shall not be able to hold her again until May when I fly out to live with her for the summer. The groans of heartache combat with the flutter of knowing I will see her again very soon. My place is not is Scotland. My place is back in the United States in the arms of the woman I love, and within reasonable distance from my family so that communication is not so difficult. Number the days, for I am eager to return.

Reincarnation

I know that possibly a large number of you do not believe in reincarnation; you believe in an eternal paradise after death known as Heaven and a place of eternal torment known as Hell. For a moment believe that they do not exist. Believe that after you die, your immortal soul will be born again, with at least vague recollections of your former lives. If you still do not think such a concept is even plausible, consider the following: Today I rode a horse for the first time in my life. How did I know just what to do to get my mount to do what I wanted? How did I know how to best ride in a trot before the "lesson" at the site? I have not had any prior experience with horses, so for those of you that choose not to believe that in at least one of my past lives I rode a horse frequently, explain this strange coincidence.

Impromptu I

**Note: this poem is completely impromptu and without prior thought, so we'll see where it goes.** Fingers fly over plastic Squares sitting In silence undesired My mind wanders as I think about my other Self, far away from me. Like Elven feet my digits race Quickly over those that others Noisily hammer upon... ... ... A hum... a drumbeat upon the floor... The thumping of a human heart... Nature's rhythym released

Another Beginning

For those of you who like philosophical brain candy and fun little tidbits to ponder about in your free time: Life is a series of beginnings. This post is the beginning of another online blogging site for myself. At the dawning on the morrow, it will be the beginning of a new day. It is human nature to mark milestones, to say that one phase of life is over and another has begun. I quote a song when I say that "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." I do this to show that there never is an end, but merely an incorporation of the past into a new beginning. Even after reincarnation, with time and the desire to remember, the beginning of a new lifetime is nothing more than the incorporation of morals and ideals carried throughout the ages.